"Normal"

Can you define normal?
There are many definitions of normal,
Regular, Follower,
...
I am not regular,
I am multi different color's,
I am my own personality,
I am creative,
I am a leader,
I am not a follower,
I am not regular,
I am simply me.

Life

Life flies by,
Sudden things happen,
One moment to the next,
Standing high,
Then smacking the hard ground,
Not understanding why,
Until the next day,
When it's all clearly thought about.

WOW

Sorry it has taken me so long to write.

Well there was nothing to worry about.

High School is very easy. The school is all mirrored, so it's easy to find yourself around. It is much smaller on the inside than the outside. I have homework every night. Well not every night, maybe 3 to 4 nights per week.

Wow 10 weeks are already all over! Now we are starting into the 20 week marking period. I haven't gotten my report card but I'm sure it will be awesome... I hope!

The bus was no issue. I have no idea why I was worried. It was so stupid as I look back on it. I am so happy! I love school. Yes, that sounds weird but I'd rather love school then hate it.

It was a week into school and I got my schedule changed into 2 accelerated classes (Social Studies and English). So it was like my first day all over again. But that's okay. Now next year I will be taking 2 college classes!!!

I am so sore... I have started to work out. Now that I am typing this and putting this out on my blog, I can not back down. I vow to keep exercising. But my calves hurt so bad along with my stomach! But I am not giving up. Wish me luck!

High School

Three days and counting... When can I start freaking out here???!!! Oh that's right I ALREADY AM!!!! I'm so excited and nervous. I'm now worried I'll miss the bus or even be late and wake up late or get on the wrong bus home... Yes my worries are still on the bus. Well I'm going to have to still worry until the first day of school comes then I will know where to go... I can't wait!!!!

I have my whole outfit on a hanger in my closet. Some times I go into my closet to see it because I don't feel it's real. I don't feel I'm going into high school next thing you know I'll be in college. Which I plan on getting through a scholarship. If I'm smart enough.

I hope so because I so badly want to be an lawyer. No not a defender but a prosecutor, I want the scumbags off the street not put them back out there!!!!

Then I would like to get a property just to grow fruits and vegetables... Then get a green house of flowers and sell some of my fruits and vegetables...

Then open a bakery called "Nana's Sweets" but on my take out bags it's going to say "Desire of Desiree" and use my fruits and vegetables. This is my dream that I shall fulfill. But for now I'm only waiting to finish high school... Which I'm totally freaking out about...!!! 3 DAYS AND COUNTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have a Great Labor Day Weekend!!!!

High School

I was so nervous to start high school. My high school is a big high school!!! When I went in for orientation and how the school was broken up... it was so small. I thought SO hard to find something, even one little thing to worry about and all I can come up with is the bus.

I have always been terrified my whole life of buses. I knew where to get picked up and what time and where to go after I get dropped off. Then I know where to go to get on the bus... but I don't know what bus number I get on. My Aunt said look on the side window... the person who gave us personal tours said the bus aid will PROBABLY tell me what bus to get on after.

I already have all my supplies, new clothes, new shoes, etc. I love my school so far. It's not nearly as big as it seems. I'm so glad my Aunt took me to orientation. The locker's are small!!! I have six 1 1/2 inch binders. In each binder I put a pencil with an eraser top and a blue pen in each binder so I don't have to worry about not having a pen or pencil!!!

Then I'm going to always carry my jump drive so I can take home my projects and finish them early. My schedule says AIS but the teacher is my science teacher so it is a study hall. Amazing right?!! After math and social... key homework classes. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 more days and counting...

The One

Impressions matter,
Not what you have,
But,
How you represent yourself,
If your bright and bubbly,
Wear what matches,
YOUR personality,
Not others,
Their not wearing or representing,
YOU,
Love you,
Who you are,
Not what your meant to be,
But,
What you want to be,
Have fun finding,
The one,
And only,
You.

Colorful Colors

Color,
One word and a million different thoughts,
Color,
Is the world,
Color,
Makes you smile,
Color,
Can brighten your world,
Even if the color is gray,
Color,
Is art,
Is beauty,
Color,
Doesn't have to match,
Color Is Me.

Bubbles

As I go underwater,
Taking the air along,
Submerged under water,
Watching,
Tiny, little,
Bubbles dance and swirl around,
While I try to disorientate them,
To only see them a moment longer,
Then only to break the surface myself,
Gasping for air,
To only bring down air with me,
Watching the free spirited bubbles,
Make their way to the surface,
The beauty of nature.

True Beauty

I would like this to go out to a very special person in my life. May this help any one else in the world.

True beauty
It comes from within,
When ever I tell my special person
"You are Beautiful"
She says
"Oh Please!"
There is 2 kinds of beauty
Inner
The most important of all,
It makes who you are,
It makes the true beauty on the outside come out.
Your beautiful to me and always will be.

Life Is Like...

Life is like candy.
Some times you get the really sweet candy.
Some times you get the sour.
Or even the really ultra sour.

Living is easy.... Life is hard.

There are lessons every where you go.

Life is like school.
Some times there are easy subjects.
Some times there are hard subjects.
Some times there are subjects you don't understand.
Some times there are subjects you have no idea about.
You get tested on the lesion you learned.

You learn some thing new every day.

It takes the strong to survive it all.

My Boston Trip

I left on April, 6th, Wednesday to Boston and came back April, 8th, Friday late at night.

April, 6th.
I went to school and after role call in home base all the people going to Boston including me, went to the auditorium. We got into are groups. My chaperon checked my carry on bag. Then we went and got our luggage out of room 101. My suitcase was heavy, luckily I had wheels!!! There were 2 buses, I was on bus 2. There is a bathroom in the back of the bus that doesn't flush! So I knew to sit in the front!!!

Me and my 3 friends that I know, had the same chaperon and we were sharing the room together. So me and Cat sat together and K sat in front of us; turned around talking to us the whole time. While we were riding out there on the highway we had to stop in Albany because bus 1 had no WiFi. We got stuck in the most ghetto part of Albany.

We were all terrified we were going to get shot!!! Well we were fine. The whole way all I did was I.M. Nana. We had to buy are own lunch at a rest stop. I got a Chicken B.L.T. meal with a Carmel Frappe. It was good but not worth $10.95!! A cheeseburger was $3.99, a double cheeseburger was $4.99!!! We got to the hotel at 6 ish o'clock. We decided to give K a bed to herself and me and Cat would share a bed. We got a great view. It was 7:30 when our chaperon came and got us to eat pizza and have pop. After we ate we went swimming. We went from Jacuzzi to the pool to the Jacuzzi to the pool to the Jacuzzi and it was so hot we decided to go up to the room. K took a shower first then Cat then I. Finally when are room got quiet someone would break the silence by laughing or start singing "Sexual Felling!!!!" It was so funny!!!
s
April, 7th.
In the morning I got up at 5:15 and made coffee in the room. Yesterday K told me and Cat to hit her to wake her up or push her off the bed. At 5:30 Cat woke up by her alarm. Then we tried to get K up. She was up side down!!! She is a major toss and turner. Thank God we gave her, her own bed. I flat-ironed my hair, got dressed in my "Adventure Club" shirt and did my make up. I always have my phone on vibrate because of my baby brother. Well on my trip I took my phone off vibrate and Ryan's laugh is my ring tone. So when my chaperon called me I wanted to cry!! I missed my Ryan so much!!!

She said I was good because I got every one around before she was even out of bed!! At 7:30 we had breakfast. It was a buffet. They only had omelets with cheese in the middle. I don't like cheese so I scraped out the cheese and put some bacon in it and poured ketchup in it, it was so good!! I had orange juice to drink and a blueberry muffin. We were down there a few minutes late. The teachers said 7:30 but some people came at 7:00.

After we ate we had to go to the bus and get on. We had to bring are carry on. In are carry on it was only what we needed for the day. Like in mine, I didn't need my tooth brush, flat iron, make up and my blanket.

The first thing we did was Fenway Park. I didn't like it. In my opinion it was too thin and steep and really high up. It felt like I was hugging the wall. We heard from are tour guide. I'm not a real sport person. I don't like certain baseball teams, or even into baseball. But it was interesting to hear about when I wasn't hugging the wall.

The second thing we did was ride on the duck tours. It's a car that rides on the street and you can drive into the water an the car turns into a boat on the water!!! We got the most craziest driver ever, I LOVED HIM!!!! All the tours get to stop in the middle of traffic to tell about all the history! We go to see so many sight's. Every time he said "We are duck tours..." we had to say "Quack, quack". We passed other people in the tours that's also on the trip, their duck tour was full. Are duck tour only had half the amount. So when we had to say "Quack, quack" we were so much louder. Then when we came up to the water. I got nervous, but I wanted to go into the water. He said before we hit the water "Now, lets hope we float.". Everyone looked at each other. After we hit the water and we floated he said "By the way, never take any thing I say seriously.". He let us drive the car/boat in the water.

The third thing we did was have lunch at the Aquarium. I had chicken nuggets, fries, a brownie, and pop. We only ate at the Aquarium. After we were done we left the Aquarium and went to the I-Max theater. We watched Under the Sea. I-max is all 3-D. We had wear these cool glasses. Once and a while they blanked out in only one eye. At first I thought it was only me until Cat said it happened to her too. Some people fell asleep but me and K kept reaching out to touch the fishes. Each time one fish ate another I would smack it and say "Bad Fishy!!". It was so col I liked it and didn't fall asleep.

The fourth thing we did was go to the Aquarium. It was one big tank in the middle with a circular stair case around it with little windows. It had 4 floors and on each floor there was different things. I went no were near the Reptile area. All Cat, K, me and the chaperon did was run up the stairs chasing after the sea turtle and shark. The penguin's where all so cute. We went to the gift shop there. I got Ryan a little baby penguin stuffed animal, Nana and Papa #1 Grandma and #1 Grandma which latter I found out they were both Grandpa. Then I got Zack 2 animal erasers. I got a pen.

We finished early at the Aquarium. So the teacher's said were going to walk to dinner.

The fifth thing we did was walk to the quince market and north market. We got there 5ish o'clock. We all got $15 to buy dinner. I had Japanese food. It was like barbecue chicken and grilled shrimp with onions with a Coke. IT WAS SO GOOD!!! We had to eat outside because there was no room in the quince market. We walked all up and down. It was Cat, K, and I all stayed together. It was a nice sunny day with a breeze. You had to watch where you entered and exited. Some of the stores had an up stairs. So you would be above another store then rap around to anther and you would go out like 3 stores back from the one you went into in. K bought like 5 billion pairs of sun glasses (she only bought 3 but we pick on her). It was a lot of fun!!!!

The sixth thing we did was walk over and loom at the Holocaust towers. It was 3 long tall towers that was like a triangle shape with an opening for you to walk in. There was like steam that floated up into the inside towers to show the serial number of all the people in the Holocaust. It was interesting but really sad. We go there late. It was one of them things.. oh were here so let's check it out.

April, 8th.
The first thing we did was eat again in the morning, it was the same thing.

Second we had to load all or our luggage into the bus. But had to take our carry on bags with us to another bus. That bus was taking us to our tour guide.

When we got to the tour guide it was a lot of fun. We heard about the bloody massacre. There was no "The British is coming!" because every one was British at the time. The only thing you would hear was "The red coats are coming!" Well at the time all the officers could come in and ask you if you paid for that. Well This teen age boy walked up to an officer and asked of he bought the doughnut he was eating. The officers could shoot any one so he took the back of his gun and hit him with it. Other people saw this and they got rocks and snow balls and shot it at the officer. More officers came thinking it would calm down the situation. It didn't. More and more people came there was at least a million people. One officer got hint in the head and fell, doesn't know on purpose or on accident, the gun went off. When one gun goes off all guns go off. When the guns stopped going off it left 5 people died. And that was called the bloody massacre. We ended the tour at that.

We walked to the cruse for lunch.

When we got to the cruse we got to eat. It was a big banquet. They had chicken fingers, mac and cheese, apples, and a lot more!!!

Me and my friends danced and danced. We did a conga line out to the front of the boat. I stopped to talk to my chaperon, she said she was looking for dolphins. I asked her if there where sharks, when she told me yes we where in the ocean. I never went back out until we left the boat. At one point the whole boat tipped and the drinks where visible tilted and the water was really close to the window. Everyone threw themselves to the floor screaming "Titanic". It was so funny. It was so much fun on the boat. My legs hurt after all that dancing.

On the way home we stopped at a high way rest stop for dinner. I had a fish sandwich and fries with a coffee. I had like 2 coffee's and was so excited to see my Nana, Papa and Ryan.

On the way home I sat next to K instead of Cat.

I don't remember what happened because I slept.

I was so happy to be home.

I am so happy I went to Boston!

Update_

I'm all packed to go on my trip!!! I'm so excited!!! I have everything packed and ready to go. I have a after school meeting coming up about it. I don't want Nana to worry about me, but I can worry about her. I guess I'm like her in that way. I will always worry about Nana even if she is fine. I hope I can sit still all the way there. All the people who are going on the trip too are so excited. We can't wait. I don't know how many count downs there are. Every day all day I get a count down day. We get to do so much. I'll write and tell you all about it when I get back. I have camera's to tale pictures!!! I also got some money to spend on souvenirs!!!

Over the weekend I saw my Great Grandma. She looks good. We came down to help her with her things and tried to help around the house. Then we went to the store without telling her and bought her groceries. She doesn't know what to do with what we bought her. We said "To just enjoy the food!" It was nice to see her.

My Weekend

Thursday, March, 24 was my 14th birthday.

I was able to see both of my parents. I got 3 different boxes of C.S.I. stuff. It's awesome! And, can't forget, the NAIL DRYER!!!!!!!!! I also got a whole bunch of CRAZY socks and a pair of Moccasins! I got a lot of nice things. My Nana made me eggs and BACON for breakfast!!!

Friday, March, 25 I had a sleep over. My friend Cat slept over. We solved 1 of 20 C.S.I. crimes. It only took us 3 hours!!! Not bad for our first time. We LOVE C.S.I., N.C.I.S., and Cold Case. We like to solve things. We make a great team! We want to go to school to do that sort of things. Cat got me a strawberry pop tart lip gloss, I LOVE THEM, and a Sisters Forever necklace. I have Sisters and Cat has Forever.

My birthday theme was Tinkerbell!!!!!!!!!! I had purple and green streamers which my Papa did the decorating! I blew up 40 balloons 20 purple and 20 green. My cake, banner, cup, and birthday pin was Tinkerbell. I had bows in my hair that was purple and green along with my nails. My outfit was purple!!! So purple and green were the theme colors too.

Next year I think I'll ask for everything, this year I asked for nothing and I got everything, so if I ask for everything I'll get what I really want, NOTHING!!! Let me explain so I don't come off like a spoiled brat, cause I am not that. I don't like gifts because I have nothing to give back. It makes me feel like I owe them something in return. When my parents would buy me things, they would like to hold things over my head or at least that is what it felt like to me! "I got you that... You can put it up...while I am here to see you for a visit!" I'm learning though to except gifts better. But with everything good it will just take time!

Nana and Papa got me every thing I wanted and needed...Love, Love, Love!!! I think of my trip as part of my birthday present!!! It's like they are sending me on a vacation. Except it is a vacation that I have earned, at least that is what my Nana says! I have to pack at the end of the month. I'll be gone for 3 days. I'll miss Nana :( She better not go CRAZY on me!

Above Myself

Above yourself,
Think for yourself,
Believe in yourself,
In control.
Try.
Never give up.
Half full or half empty?
Attitude makes who you are.
Half full or half empty?
Positive or negative charge?
No one can change you only show you a new point of view.
You decide the rest for your life.
You can hear but did you listen.
The most important lessons in life is our mistakes.
No one can prevent them but you.
You have to learn for yourself.
Make mistakes and forgive,
But you need to come to reality.
Friend's come and go.
Family doesn't.
Look around you and ask:
Is it worth it?
What do I think of myself?
How could I get out of it, if I even can?
Where do I see myself in 20 years?
Ask yourself these questions before you act
Then you should have no regrets.
Live to the fullest but the realist.
Do your best!
Don't let anyone discourage you.
If you believe it then who cares!
Where would any one be if we listened to what other people think?

Update_Me

I have gotten into the N.J.H.S., the National Junior Honor Society. I have to keep my over all average above an 87. I went to the ceremony on Wednesday the 9th of March. Nana almost started crying. Aunt Jill, Mom, and Nana went. Papa stayed home and watched Zachary and Ryan. As of now all my grades are in the 90's. English and Spanish is 100%. Nana and Papa got me a HP Garden Dreams computer and phone for all my good grades and hard work. I LOVE IT SOOOOOOO MUCH! It's so fast. Many people said the touch pad is hard but I don't think so at all. Nana said she likes the windows 7. I also got this small, little, purple mouse and I named it pouse.

Update_Mom

All day every day of the week.

Mom is Mom. I have the most trouble forgiving her. I think it's because when my Dad went to jail instead of getting better she got worse. When you have an "abuser" and you have a chance to get away you run as far as you can and don't look back. She had every opportunity in a life time and turned it all down for her best friend-Mr. Vodca, Mr. Goldenslogger, and Mr. Pill-popper. Mom could have gotten a free apartment and all the bills paid for her, plus food stamps and cash. But blew it all for her 3 friends. On top of it all she told everyone that we were in a safe house and wanted them to give her money for the apartment which she got free and a car because the other one was in Dad's name. But really we were living with her boyfriend.

We have been living with Nana and Papa for a year and 4 months now, Mom thinks we have only been here a few months.

I have had visits with my mom, they have been very STRESSFUL. I don't want to see her or talk to her. Then I have to sit there for 2 hours and the only thing she says is "Hi Des", "Bye Des", "I love you", "Nails are nice", and or "Can I touch your hair?". Other then that I'm visiting Dave the cop her new boyfriend. We know how that goes. That poor guy is wrapped around her little finger. She's going to use the crap out of him, take every thing he has, just like all the other ones. You can fell the separation and tension. She used to be all over him, now not do lovey dovey. Most likely it's the want-to-be wife and when he doesn't ask the question, she'll destroy him.

My parents have made mistakes. I forgive them up to when my Dad got arrested. but I have not forgiven my mom for not taking that opportunity to turn around our life's. she thinks we (Zach and I) feel like she's abandon us, we don't. I'm mad she never had to pay for all the stuff she did. When you look at it, they both did wrong. I'm not taking sides or patting anyone on the back. She acts like it was only hard for her and not for us, she was going threw the hard time. We hurt more then she did. She was stupid. She put him in jail so many times for NOTHING! She told us (Zach, Me, and family) like idiots we believed her instead of looking at both sides. She ruined his life and so many other guys as well as being a home wrecker.

Look at her now living it up like nothing ever happened! That makes me the maddest!!!! She wants to be forgiven right away and have a relationship right away. But any time we talk about the past she denies it all, maybe she doesn't remember but she doesn't have to deny it. I'm not making it up if Zach remembers and agrees with me too.

My Dad wants me to forgive him over time and build a relationship over time. We wrote letters back and forth from jail. He's changed it could be good or bad, lets hope good. I'll see him soon!!! I'm excited and counting down the days.

Update_Dad

January 21st
Dad has gotten out. We (Zachary and I) wrote him while he was in jail. We got a some what bond. The most thing I liked was he wanted to be forgiven over time, not right then and now. I forgave both of my parents for everything that happened after Dad went to jail. We have been having visits they're good, the only thing I wish is that he would watch Ryan more often.